Okay so it's no secret that I have had some major issues with breastfeeding. Here's the deal. When she was born I nursed her for the first few weeks and she did great. Then after time went on she would nurse and then still be hungry after she was done but I had nothing left, so I decided to start pumping so I would know exactly how much she needed to eat. I would switch off from pumping and nursing and she did just fine and didn't seem to get confused between the two and really did fine. All of the sudden one day it's like she decided she hated to nurse and every time we nurse she will do good for about 2-3 minutes and then throws a huge tantrum, so I will try and try to get her to nurse for what seems like forever (about 30 min) and then have to end up pumping anyway and then feed her. This gets very frustrating, especially in the middle of the night.
So I decided that it wasn't worth my stress and her tantrums, so I decided to just pump and then feed her. I did really really well and was keeping at least 4 things of milk in the fridge, well one day when we weren't home all day and I wasn't able to pump as much as usual, we pretty much used up all the storage that I had. Now I cannot get a storage built back up, I also have noticed that my milk supply has decreased significantly (I know that I need to eat really good and drink lots of water and milk, so I'm working on this). So I have been nursing her and then pumping, but she won't get enough to eat nursing so I have to end up feeding her the bottle I just pumped anyway!! She really loves to eat out of the bottle, she LOVES it!
My question for you all is first of all what would you do if you were in my situation? And second of all, what are your feelings on supplementing with formula, and how much or how often would you give it to her??
When Maelee was about 3 weeks old I was supplementing with formula and my doctor told me not to do that anymore and that I just needed to strictly nurse, no pumping, no formula. I was so discouraged and thought I was the worst mom ever. Well I cannot just nurse and feel awful about it, but I need to pump, it's the only thing that works for us. I called my nurse today and she said she would talk with the doctor about it and let me know, but her advice to me was nurse her until she won't nurse anymore and then give her formula, and then pump. OMG. I am exhausted, discouraged, sad, and angry. I don't know what to do! My doctor made me feel like the worst mom ever because I pump and also because I used formula a few times.. I hate feeling like I am a bad mom because I have to feed her a bottle..
Some people have recommended going to a lactation class but I don't know if that would help. Maelee has no problems latching on or nursing, it's just like after a few minutes, she doesn't want to anymore. Please help me! I feel like I have made a huge mess and I'm not sure how to clean it up. I need some advice from some moms because I just feel like sometimes the doctor (who is a man) and Jesse really don't understand exactly what I'm going through and can seem really judgmental. Any advice would be appreciated. I feel like I have dug myself into a huge hole and am ready to get out!! HELP!
14 comments:
Hey sweetie it has been a very long time since I have been in your shoes but from my experience I know that formula is very nutritious so you do not have to worry that Maylee is not getting what she needs.
My oldest daughter had issues with two of her three children so severe that her oldest nearly starved (literally). She was able to nurse a little and then supplement with formula but same as you she was not able to build up enough of a storage so she would use what little she could store and mix half and half with formula for those times that she needed it.
I know that nursing is desirable and it is a bonding time for you but I dont believe anyone should do it (or anything for that matter) if it causes you stress. Remember that Maylee can pick up on your moods and dont you think it would be healthier for her to have a less stressed and sad mommy and have to supplement her meals with formula than to be hungry and upset because she feels your stress?
Hugs and Kisses
Shelly Robison
I know how you feel, I tried to pump as long as i could for Preslee and i went for about 7 months then i was done with pumping all together and just used formula full time. But when she was about 4 months i would give her one feeding with formula so i could pump and save my milk so i could have some back ups. Formula is nutritious and if very good for babies, so dont stress if you have to give her some.
If i have to pump with my next baby im petty sure ill only do it for the first 2 months then im going to do formula because it was stressful always worrying about pumping and if i was going to get enough for her to eat and breast infections are THE WORST.
Anyways your a great mom and you are doing everything you can for her so dont let your doc get you discouraged or feel bad just do what you feel like you need to :)
Amanda, I'm so sorry you are so frustrated! My advice is to do whatever works for you and don't worry about what your doctor says. The more stressed and frustrated you are the harder it's going to be and the less you are going to produce. Everyone does something different and you just have to do what will help you make it through the day. Being a mom is hard and there is absolutely no reason to beat yourself up about a single thing. you are amazing!
What I did was I breastfed and gave a formula bottle everyday at the same time (I think 5 was when I gave him a bottle) and I didn't worry about pumping then. My body just adjusted to that. that worked for us but like i said every one is different. If breastfeeding is not working do formula. you're baby will be happier if you are happy. maybe you should breastfeed her for a few minutes until she's crabby then just give her a formula bottle. Then she's getting the best of both worlds.
Hang in there girl! It gets so much easier. love you!
First of all, it's fine if you bottle feed her. If she isn't nursing anymore, that's really your only alternative. If you want to keep trying until she unlatches then give her the bottle, she may eventually go longer and longer.If not, it's okay. If you want to get your supply up, formula is not going to hurt her for a couple of days while you stock up.Maybe just alternate until you decide you have enough stored. I know this sounds weird and kind of gross when you first read it, but if you really don't want to give her formula, I have a huge supply of breast milk in my freezer. I'm not using it, and I have not taken any medications, and I have no diseases.You're welcome to it if you want.
I understand about not wanting to give her formula. I have felt the same, and being a mom is hard. Especially when you are feeling inadequate. You're being a good mom just by worrying that you aren't:) She's a happy healthy baby, and still will be whatever you decide. You are the mom, not the doctor, go with your gut.
Annie Weston
It is so hard to nurse a baby. Before you have one no one really discusses the issues you will face. With Taven it took at least 8 weeks before we had any sort of good breastfeeding relationship, and it was a ton of work, it took hours for us everyday to get to where he could latch and have a good nursing session. We had a ton ton ton of issues that were not normal. But I am very stubborn and we worked it out.
First I would reccomend that you find a International Board Certified Lactation consultant (IBCLC). They have credentials and are usually a step above a regular lactation consultant. I know of a couple good ones in Utah, not sure where you are located though.
Also look up llli.org and there is a link to find a Le Leche League in your area. The leader of the group will be able to help you with breastfeeding questions and if you go to a group meeting there are all sorts of moms who attend that should have great advice.
If you want to keep exclusively pumping you need to be pumping at least 8 times a day, everyday. I exclusively pumped for Taven for 4 weeks due to issues and pumping 8 times a day barely met his needs.
If you want to get her back to nursing you will need to try to cut out bottles. She sounds like she has some nipple confusion which the IBCLC can help you with. Some moms go on what they call a nursing vacation and spend a day just lay with their baby skin to skin to encourage then back to nursing.
A really good website for breastfeeding information is kellymom.com there is an answer to just about every question. You can also google Dr. Jack Newman and he has a great breastfeeding website.
If you have a question or anything you can email me. I am sorry you two are having such a rought time! I know it puts a damper on enjoying your new baby. But if breastfeeding is what you want the work really will be worth it in the end.
Hey! I saw your comment on FB and i know how frustrating all of this stuff can be! Honestly i would try and just pump and feed her your milk in a bottle. Focus on pumping and not nursing. Nursing doesn't work for everyone! Just keep trying to eat healthy and pump as much as you can and hopefully your milk will continue to come in strong. I've also heard you can get a prescription pill (hormone) to help your milk come in stronger. (ask your doc) Hope you can get it figured out! If not you might just have to feed her formula! Which Boston is on now and he is very healthy! Something will work out and it will be ok! :)Good luck!
Hey Amanda. I am sorry you are having a rough time. I would definitely recommend meeting with a lactation consultant. I had one come to my home. You may not think it is a latching issue, but it could be something to do with the way her mouth is shaped. Also, are you using the smallest nipples on the bottle that you can? Is she finds it is easier to get it from the bottle, that it what she will prefer. In addition to that, I pump on one breast while feeding river on the other at times. I think it is a good way to get your supply up as well as your stored milk in less time. It also seems to me that his suckling causes letdown much quicker than the pump. It almost seems as if the pump won't do it at all for me anymore. Anyhow, from one breastfeeding mamma to another, I wish you the best of luck and I am here if you want to discuss it some more. I struggled SO hard in the beginning and I too felt like a failure. Good luck!
Hey! I'm sorry that things have been rough. I have gone through some up's and down's as well with nursing. First thing that came to mind was burping. My baby Jayci starts to scream bloody murder when I even start to put her on her side to nurse if she has a bubble. So when Maelee stops nursing I would try and get at least one burp out of her before you try again. Also, my milk production went down for a little bit. What I did was increased my calorie intake and also started drinking a milk mixture: 1 quart skim milk, 1 tbl blackstrap molasses, 1 tbl brewer's yeast. It sounds kinda crazy, but both blackstap molasses and brewer's yeast are super nutritious for you and give you all your essential vitamins. You can get the brewer's yeast in the health food section and the molasses is by the syrup just at any supermarket. When I started that my milk came in like crazy. It is worth a try. But I am like you, sometimes in the middle of the night she will only take a bottle. My thoughts are, at least she is eating. That is all that really matters. I say screw your doctor. He doesn't seem very sympathetic at all. It is hard being a mom and trying to do your best and your baby screams anyway. I know how you feel. If nursing doesn't end up working out, oh well. Millions of babies have survived without breast milk...that's why they sell formula! Good luck and I hope that things get better.
One more thing, Jayci struggled for a bit at the beginning so I switched nursing positions. It really helped.
Hey sorry things are going so rough for you guys. I had sort of the same problem with Ava. She would nurse for a few minutes and then pull off and scream. She wouldn't take a bottle so after a few frustrating weeks I started to google everything I could think of that might help. Turned out she had reflux and that is why she kept pulling away. If you have noticed other symptoms like, foul breath, alot of spit up, alot of gas, wanting to be held while she sleeps. She may have reflux and when she eats from a bottle it may not be as bad because she is sitting up a little bit. I would nursing her in a football hold, or propping her up a little when you nurse her and see if that helps. With regards to the milk supply, if she will take formula, just substitute a formula bottle once or twice a day. Pump when your done feeding her and that will help you build it back up. You may also want to see if you can find mothers milk tea, it is to help you boost your milk production. I hope things get better quick.
Im so sorry you are having such a hard time! I have heard your "supply" isnt as good when you just strickly pump because its not the same kind of stimulation. If i were you and you still want to give breastfeeding a go, then I would just nurse her and then pump after each nursing to get your supply back up. Even if she hates it and gives up after a few min, keep trying for up to 30 min to get her to just nurse. If she is hungry enough she should jut latch on and eat! ha another thing that could be going on is your "let down" just isnt fast enough for her so she gets frustated and gives up because with a bottle there is no waiting for that milk to come.. you could try massaging or a heating pack right before you nurse or even pump for a few min right before you nurse. That way the milk will come sooner for her :) In the end if you get so upset dont feel at all bad for going with formula!!! You are an amazing mom and just because you dont bf doesnt change anything! Some mom's dont even TRY to bf and they are just as great at being a mom as anyone else :) Keep your head up and dont let something silly like this ruin any of that precious time with her :)
Amanda! You sweet cute mom! First of all DO NOT EVER let anyone make you feel like you are not a good enough mom! Maylee was sent to YOU and not anyone else for a reason! (and those reasons have very little to do with your method of feeding her!) Each child is different and each mom is different. You have extremely high expectations for yourself--you want to be the very best mom. With Megan I was going to do everything perfectly, cuz I was going to be the perfect mommy. She did not have ANY formula ever, I nursed and pumped--whatever, but I didn't supplement (please don't get discouraged and stop reading yet--I will explain why I am telling you this....) Her first baby foods were pureed avacado and homemade applesauce--doesn't get any better than that right.......then came morgan--some nursing, some formula, and total bottled baby food----then came the twins, tried to nurse, but COME ON! One day when I was trying to feed 2 screaming children and I was bawling and they were bawling (and I think Megan and Morgan were bawling too) I made 2 bottles and stuck them in their swings and sat and watched them eat.....happily and decided that we were all going to be ok (side note--I caught them drinking out of the gutter when they were 3 and they are now 9 and have still lived)--McKaybri semi nursed for 3 weeks of her life and lived--in fact I would dare say she has been the healthiest of my 5 (she even ate a cheerio or 2 off of the floor a few times--something that I would have NEVER allowed with Megan--I think I would have washed her mouth out with something totally sanitizing--lol:) Out of all of my children--Megan has been my sickest child! The one who I was going to shield from everything and give her EVERYTHING!!!!! What I am trying to tell you Amanda is that you are a wonderful mom with or without nursing. Maylee will grow up and become as beautiful as her mommy with or without nursing. Love her, care for her, teach her all that you are meant to, but above all ENJOY her! WIth a bottle, without a bottle, with supplementing or not-- Enjoy being a mommy. Megan will graduate from high school in 3 years and soon find herself right where you are now. It's funny how back then "nursing" was such a huge deal and these days I wish I would have relaxed and enjoyed the time we had together when she was small because it comes and goes so fast--be happy and give yourself credit for all of the wonderful things you are doing. Find what works for you and her. Regardless of what a doctor or a book says--there is not just ONE way that is the RIGHT way. I have always said when it comes to motherhood.....keep your arms and legs inside at all times, hold on tight, and have fun AND take all the advice that everyone gives you and through it out the window cuz none of it works, you just make it up as you go. Instinctively you KNOW what she needs. You are her mother (no one else is) and God gave you a stewardship over her and therefore He will honor His promises and give you guidance and inspiration on her behalf when you need it. Be still....and know that He is there. Listen to your heart and you will know. Maylee's mission on earth will still work out even if "nursing" doesn't :)---I KNOW that you are an amazing mom, because I know how AMAZING you are! Love ya!
I would first think of switching Dr.'s especially if he keeps making you feel bad about your decisions. Your Dr. should make you feel supported and just be there to give helpful advice. You are the mommy and ultimately you decide what is best for Maelee.
I however, was in your same situation when I had Jesse. I tried nursing and then started pumping and he preferred the bottle over the breast. I went straight to pumping at every meal. That way my supply was hopefully more than he demanded and I would just freeze the rest. I know that drinking TONS of water helps hydrate your body to produce more milk. After five months I went to formula only because it was very difficult to pump and feed. Especially if we were out and about of if he was overly hungry and had to wait for me to pump.
Do not feel bad about formul feedings. The important thing is that you are feeding Maelee. Whether it be from the breast or bottle.
My first experience is also why I chose not to pump and only breast so that I could see if it was a smoother and easier experience. I was very worried at first with wondering if Bodee was getting enough. Someone told me just relax, don't stress and if he is gaining weight then you know all is well. That was very hard for me. However, he gained 2 lbs in one and a half weeks so I took that into consideration. I just have to trust Bodee that he is filling up his belly.
NO matter what you choose it is up to you.
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